The Hurdles - Trying to Organize My Ideas and Finding Motivation

I always find myself here. Time after time it never fails. My intentions are pure, but I fall flat with my goals. Maybe flat is too harsh, but the creative process feels empty. My iPad continues to be ignored. Excuses pile up, and tomorrow is never reached. It’s not as if I am out of ideas. It’s not as if I fell out of love with art. It’s not as if I don’t believe in my vision. I guess I am just trying to understand if any of it matters. 

I feel guilty. Maybe it’s not the time for art? Would I be seen as insensitive if I shared my art online? With everything that is going on, does making art matter? I know that answer, but I still continue to ask the question over and over again. This question sits like a blockade that I can’t get around. Obviously, making art matters more than ever. Art should always matter. Humanity needs art to capture the energy and essence of the time. We live in a time where we need art to validate our emotions towards everything that is happening around us. So why do I keep asking this question, when the answer is so obvious?

My imagination has always been my escape. When the world felt overwhelming. When my parents would argue, and the roars of their voices filled throughout the house. When the walls of my room felt like they were closing in. I would build worlds with my toys. Eventually, playing with toys transitioned into art. Building out the images in my imagination felt like something that was my calling. It became something that I could not live without. I felt excited about seeing myself become an artist. Now I’m wondering if all I am doing is escaping. What’s the difference at this point? How long can I escape? How many more hideouts do I have to create to feel safe? To feel free? To feel loved? To be at peace?

So I find myself here again. Another case of artist block, but this time feels different than all the others. Often, I ran into an art block when I felt like an imposter. This time I found myself wondering if by creating art, capturing the feelings of the time or running away from it. Tucking away in a picture looking for an escape. Too afraid of facing reality. Too small to change anything.